The thieves left no trace

Ewa in the grocery.
Her first task every morning

What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?

EWA:  Every morning when I wake up I discover to my horror that the refrigerator is empty! I can not understand how the thieves get into my apartment, they leave no trace, just an empty refrigerator.

So the first I have to do every morning is to go down in the grocery store and buy food. Fill my fridge ...

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It's not about dog training it must be a dog owner's training

Dog training is about training the owner

How do you train your pet?

JEAN:  Me and my husband just got ourself a puppie. The problem with the puppy is that it does not understand what we say. The puppy is eager to fulfill our desires but it can not understand what they are.
Whatever I say it just sits there looking like a questionmark.

I think we have to put our little darling in a dog training school.

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A revamped Superman is going to save the world

Maybe Superwoman is a good choice

If you could be any superhero, who would it be?

JILL: That’s a question! I’m not fond of superheroes. I think they dress ridiculously. Silly tights and face masks that would not even be good for masquerades. And then that Spiderman, a hybrid of man and spider. Spiders are dreadful animals that should be eradicated from the earth.

 Well, maybe Superman would do. He has no face mask but a cape and boots that I could redesign. I like capes. Yes, I would be a revamped Superman.

The more I think of it, the more I like the idea of being Superman. With all those powers I could change the world! I will get rid of all dictators! I will take care of the Global Warming! I will make the poor rich! I will....!!!

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That man is grumpy as a bulldog

George is bully

If you had to be a breed of dog, what type of dog would you be?

GEORGE: My wife always says to me that I am grumpy like a bulldog and my staff say that I am bully.

And when I look in the mirror I see a bulldog.

The answer is simple. You have to adapt to reality. I AM a bulldog (even if I feel more like a bull).

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Every time I called him Elvis, he peed

Karen and Elton

What would be the name of your next pet? 

 KAREN:  It is unfair to the animals just to give them a name. We must respect the animals and check their reactions to different names.

Once I had a cat that in my eyes was an Elvis. But every time I called him Elvis he peed. I renamed him to Elton and each time I said Elton he purred.

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The biker version of The Emperor's New Clothes

The biker version of The Emperor's New Clothes

What is your worst nightmare?

MIKE:  As a kid I heard the story about the emperor who ordered new clothes and was scammed with no clothes at all. Stupid people cannot see your new beautiful clothes, said the scammers.

No one wants to acknowledge themselves as stupid so when the naked emperor passed, everybody said: Wow, look how beautiful clothes the emperor is wearing!

But he was naked!

And that is my every night nightmare since I was 7 and heard that story for the first time. I see myself walking around in the nude as the stupid emperor did.

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How to survive on a desert island

Alice has a good understanding for what's important in life

If you could take only 3 items onto an island with you, what would they be? 

ALICE: I would bring a book, my nail file and at last but not least, a lover.

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There are different ways to wear an animal fur

Marion dressed up with some of her dogs

What is your favorite dog?

MARION:  My favorite dog is a Maltese. I like small dogs. They should be so small that I can hide them in my clothes. At home in my house, I have ten little dogs and right now I have five or six of them on me, right here, hidden in my clothes.

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That's an early bird by force

Cecilia is hard asleep every morning
when her cuckoo clock alarms

Are you a night owl or an early bird?

CECILIA: I've got five alarm clocks running with five minutes delay. The first one goes off at 6 o’clock in the morning.
The last one goes of when I am sitting in my car driving to job, just to make sure I don’t fall asleep on the road.

No, I’m not an early bird by habit but by force.

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She starts a new diet three times a day

Joe-Ann is yo-yo dieting per day

Are you planning to start a diet?

JOE-ANN: Oh yes! It is my normal state. To constantly be on a new diet.

Every time I finished a good meal, I start a new diet, and I stick to it until I get hungry next time.

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A Picasso for a chameleon

The chameleon Chubby is close to bursting in front of a Picasso

How do you train your pet?

MARY-BETH:   Some people train their pets to obedience. I don't. I want my chameleon to develop his talents, and his best talent is his sense for colors.

Therefore I take Chubby to various art museums and let him study the colors from the best of the best artists. Chubby favors Rubens, the old artists have dusky and easily imitated color scales. Modern artists with plenty of contrasting colors in their pictures are difficult for Chubby.
 A Picasso gives Chubby a nervous breakdown.

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Napoleon is his nickname

Napoleon or Mathias?

If you could be one person from history who would it be?

MATHIAS:  Ever since I was a little boy, I've looked like Napoleon. When we read about Napoleon in school my classmates discovered that I looked like Napoleon and I was immediately called Napoleon. As usual when you get a nickname you first get annoyed but pretty soon you get used to it and accept it.

Nowadays I feel a strong sense of community with the old Napoleon and sometimes I wonder if I'm not a reincarnation of him.

The real one

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A jumping night mare

Cindy, why are you trying to jump?

What is your worst night mare?

CINDY: I have a dream that constantly recurs: I'm standing high on a cliff and prepare myself to do a backwards jump like that from a trampoline.

Then I wake up terrified and soaking with sweat.

I do not know what the dream means, and I do not want to know.
My boyfriend says it is because I'm afraid of losing him!

I will never make that jump so there certainly is no reason to find out what it is about.

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Thinking just confuses me

Albert in his thinking pose

Beef, Chicken, or Pork?

ALBERT:  I wouldn't know about that, it takes me some time to figure out.

My wife always says: Albert! Don’t think, you’ll just get confused

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When is it time to change your dreams?

Marie in audition

What profession would you choose today if you could choose freely?

MARIE: I want to be a singer-songwriter. I participate in all types of idol competitions, but at each audition, so far, the judges have just laughed at me and asked me not to come back!

But this is my only dream, I can not live without a dream, so I continue stubbornly to believe in myself as a successful singer.

And one day, sometime, somehow ... and until this happens, it is OK to laugh at me!

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Being powerful and humble

Peter is dreaming

If you would have a new pet what would it be and what would you call it?

PETER:  I like big animals. I would like a huge elephant. That would be cool and impressive. It would make me the coolest guy in the neighborhood.

And to not completely destroy my friends and to be a bit humble, I'd call him Mr. Small.

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How to ask the right question

Sandra becomes enraged

What are you going to do when you retire?

SANDRA: What kind of question is that?! I do not even know what I should retire from!

First of all, your job as a journalist must be loose. You should think about what you are gonna do when retiring, because that will be very soon!

Journalists are pest!

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How a software bug can make success

Jenny and James met because of computer malfunction

You are a couple. How did you meet?

JENNY: We were both looking for new relationships and members of different dating sites on the web. I was a member of the Tall People's Site, and James was a member of Small People's Site. So one day the computer went maniac and mixed datings between the two sites. James and I were set up of for a blind date. And that date surely was a surprise - for both of us - and at the same time it was our lucky day because we soon found out that we were a perfect match! Four months later we married and that's twelve years ago!

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The Lonely Hearts Club lost a member

Daisy with her cat Ruben in the handbag

You are a couple. How did you meet?

DAISY: Pooh! How could you see that I have the cat Ruben with me in my handbag?!!

Well, since you have seen the cat I'll answer your question:

Ruben and I met seven years ago on a trip with the "Lonely Hearts Club". Ruben was stuck in a toilet and I saved him. He immediately fell in love with me and I with him, and since then we have never ever been apart.

And since that day I haven't visited the Lonely Hearts Club. I don't feel I belong anymore..

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Be colorful and get happy

What makes you really really happy?

STINA: I like colors. So I dress in colorful fabrics and you get happy when you're colorful.
I expect that people appreciate my colorful look and maybe call me colorful Stina.

But that has NEVER happened.

But this will happen one day and then I will be really really happy.

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